Browning Vignettes: June 2016

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"-Isaiah 55:9

In May we completed one unsuccessful round of IVF, technically our 1.5 round (since in February we did a round that resulted in cancelling right before egg retrieval--basically all the shots, medications and appointments without the egg retrieval/embryo transfer.)

IVF is pretty much a part time job; you are juggling multiple medications that have to be taken at a certain time, you just do not feel like yourself--exhausted, swollen, tender, etc.--and there are appointments every other day, and sometimes there are even more than that (weekend ones are in Sandy, which makes for a long drive). IVF leaves me with little time or energy to do much else other than complete my work hours each day. Poor Ben has had to chip in more than his fair share during IVF times with yard work, house work and more.

During our May IVF, I grew accustomed to the shots. They hurt, they stung, they weren't fun, but I wouldn't panic like before. Things progressed fairly well. Our goal was to make it to egg retrieval since we didn't make it last time so then our doctor could get a better picture of what our IVF odds are.

We were so excited when we found out we made it to egg retrieval! We spent the night at my parents' house and I had a dream that our doctor did the surgery with a Chewbacca mask on (this was the week after the Chewbacca lady's famous video came out.) I was determined that I would tell no one except Ben about this odd dream. I didn't account for the fact I cannot be trusted on heavy medication, and I apparently told the doctor, the nurses and everyone who could hear about my Chewbacca mask dream. I still have no memory of this!

When retrieval was done, our doctor came out and said we retrieved six eggs (four of which were mature). Two days later he called to give us the embryo report. He told us only one became a proper embryo. For those not familiar with reproductive stats, these are not great numbers--but we suspected as much with my history of a low egg count. The odds of that one embryo lasting to embryo transfer weren't great. They can't take out the embryos and look at them every day because it can damage them. We were told to go to Embryo Transfer prepared for the procedure but knowing that we could get there and be told the embryo didn't survive. We were ecstatic and beyond the moon when they came in and started telling me how to prepare for the procedure--I interrupted and said, "Wait, did our embryo make it?!" The nurse responded a resounding "Yes!" and that it was ranked as a good minus embryo--which was great! We were shocked and so excited!

Then our doctor came in in a Chewbacca mask in response to my crazy anasthesia prattle a few days before. Our doctor, the nurses, and all of us had a good laugh. Our embryologist said some sweet things, and the procedure went smoothly and uncomfortably.

The most pain I experienced during this whole process was after transfer. I experienced sharp stomach pains--no fun. A few days after transfer, we found out it didn't work. It had attached for a few days but didn't hold on. It was heart crushing when we first realized it didn't work, but now that it has been a few months I can think back on it without the same sadness.

What would we do without knowing that there is a Father in Heaven in charge who loves us and knows our plan better than ourselves? This is what has brought us peace and comfort the last few months. I am so grateful for amazing doctors and nurses, sweet friends and family who have prayed and fasted for us, milkshake runs with dear friends, and thoughtful text messages to boost my spirits. It all means so much! We know that Heavenly Father is in charge, and this is all part of His plan for us.