A New Enemy

I used to think spiders were the enemy with their dangling legs, sneaky ways, and mean eyes. Actually, I don't think I have seen their eyes, but they seem mean--I mean, look at them. But no. I was wrong. They are an enemy, but I found out the real enemy today, and I was alone with it for seven hours.

It started as a typical sunny spring-like day. I was cleaning out our fridge, anticipating the arrival of our new one (yay for new fridges!) when I heard it. The chirping. Not the chirping of birds but of something far more unpleasant. I at first thought it was part of the Rascal Flatts song I was listening to. After all, crickets in the background of a country song seemed fitting, but the song ended and it continued...loudly. So loudly that I could hear it from every part of the house. I then went in pursuit of the creature. And thought it came from the fireplace. Brilliant. I would turn the fire on and burn it alive. But then a part of me felt guilty. Burning things alive only happened in the witch hunt and other hypocritical acts throughout history. I could not cower so low.

But having to come face to face with the ugliness was more than I could bear. I wanted to forget that it was there, but the chirpping became relentlessly louder.

I had to do it. I knew if I came face to face with this cricket that I would hide from it all day. So I turned on the fire--heartless, I know. And it continued to chirp. I either had a fire resistant cricket villain on my hands, or it was lurking somewhere unseen.

I tried to continue on with my day, un-distracted. The fridge delivery guys came, and one of the first things they asked was, "Is there a cricket in your house?"

"Why, yes, yes there is." I responded, hoping they would volunteer to hunt it.

They responded "now that is funny." And I was left with the misery of knowing I would be with it, alone, once more.

Now if you are thinking that crickets are friendly, the media has blinded you to the ugly truth. The cute cricket in Mulan is a lie:

As is Jiminy Cricket...the media knows how to deceive us.

All I know is I don't want this...

having any say in my conscience. And how does Jiminy even resemble a real cricket at all?

Back to the story...I tried to ignore the cricket as I worked, and around 3PM, the chirping gradually stopped. I thought, maybe it's right behind me, waiting to jump on me. (Anything that looks like the above and can jump, to boot, is far more terrifying).

Finally, the Guardian of the Home from Vicious Enemies (GHVE), Ben, came home. I felt much more at peace, knowing he would protect me. I then went to our guest bathroom and lo and behold this huge cricket was staring right at me--I screamed and fled. Apparently, it had died a tragic death before I saw it in person. I am just so glad that it wasn't alive when I found it and that I wasn't alone, or else I would have cried.

The moral of this story is beware of crickets. No matter what the media tells you. And they jump.

Cleaning Psychology

This is an absurd post, let me forewarn you. Instead of actually cleaning, I decided to write about cleaning because it sounded like loads more fun, and it gave me a reason to procrastinate.

Here is the order of things I most like to clean to the things I dislike to clean, just because.

1. Toilets. Yes, I like to clean toilets. Not disgusting public restroom toilets; yes, there was a year of my life where that was part of my job. But residential toilets, I like cleaning those because it seriously makes the bathroom feel cleaner and more sanitary. You can see and feel immediate results. My bathroom just feels better the minute after I clean that toilet. And it takes approximately four and a half minutes.
2. Dishes....when there aren't fifty dishes. I love the bubbly soap smells and the satisfaction of seeing my dishes all clean. Plus, it's perfect time to listen to music, sing, or just think. There's hardly anything that feels more productive for me. And I am the crazy that handwashes practically everything besides platewear, silverwear, bowls, and glasses. But I love it. It makes me happy. However, I always get wet when I do the dishes. I don't even know how it happens, but it does.
3. Wiping the counter. A freshly wiped counter makes the world go round. Or maybe just my world.
4. Cleaning the kitchen sink is far superior than cleaning bathroom sinks. I can handle cleaning food residue but not people's spit residue. They are different. And the kitchen sink sparkles when clean, maybe it's the stainless steel effect. 
5. Cleaning out the fridge=scary. You never know what you might find. And half of the time you feel guilty because you realize something expired that you really wanted to use. So if I am already feeling bad about myself, I don't clean the fridge because I don't want any more guilt trips for the day. Kidding. But really. Cleaning the fridge is something I avoid more than I should. But once I finally do it, the satisfaction that comes is probably higher than any other cleaning process. 
6. I actually don't mind dusting. It just seems like there are so many other things that need to be done that dusting is neglected until last. I do love that citrusy-spray stuff for wood. People don't come in and say "Wow, you dusted really well here." They only notice dusting when you don't do it. So the satisfaction score on dusting is pretty low for me. 
7. Sweeping is better than mopping, but I don't love either.
8. Vacuuming is the worst chore ever. for me. The straight lines, going back and forth, and loud scary noises is my absolute least favorite. And the satisfaction score is way low. 

Isn't it funny how personal cleaning can be? We all have our favorite and not so favorite chores, and I think it shows part of our personality. For instance, I like getting things off the check-list, but I like doing the things that are fast and don't have to be absolutely perfect. It's a good thing I married Ben. He enjoys vacuuming...