A New Enemy

I used to think spiders were the enemy with their dangling legs, sneaky ways, and mean eyes. Actually, I don't think I have seen their eyes, but they seem mean--I mean, look at them. But no. I was wrong. They are an enemy, but I found out the real enemy today, and I was alone with it for seven hours.

It started as a typical sunny spring-like day. I was cleaning out our fridge, anticipating the arrival of our new one (yay for new fridges!) when I heard it. The chirping. Not the chirping of birds but of something far more unpleasant. I at first thought it was part of the Rascal Flatts song I was listening to. After all, crickets in the background of a country song seemed fitting, but the song ended and it continued...loudly. So loudly that I could hear it from every part of the house. I then went in pursuit of the creature. And thought it came from the fireplace. Brilliant. I would turn the fire on and burn it alive. But then a part of me felt guilty. Burning things alive only happened in the witch hunt and other hypocritical acts throughout history. I could not cower so low.

But having to come face to face with the ugliness was more than I could bear. I wanted to forget that it was there, but the chirpping became relentlessly louder.

I had to do it. I knew if I came face to face with this cricket that I would hide from it all day. So I turned on the fire--heartless, I know. And it continued to chirp. I either had a fire resistant cricket villain on my hands, or it was lurking somewhere unseen.

I tried to continue on with my day, un-distracted. The fridge delivery guys came, and one of the first things they asked was, "Is there a cricket in your house?"

"Why, yes, yes there is." I responded, hoping they would volunteer to hunt it.

They responded "now that is funny." And I was left with the misery of knowing I would be with it, alone, once more.

Now if you are thinking that crickets are friendly, the media has blinded you to the ugly truth. The cute cricket in Mulan is a lie:

As is Jiminy Cricket...the media knows how to deceive us.

All I know is I don't want this...

having any say in my conscience. And how does Jiminy even resemble a real cricket at all?

Back to the story...I tried to ignore the cricket as I worked, and around 3PM, the chirping gradually stopped. I thought, maybe it's right behind me, waiting to jump on me. (Anything that looks like the above and can jump, to boot, is far more terrifying).

Finally, the Guardian of the Home from Vicious Enemies (GHVE), Ben, came home. I felt much more at peace, knowing he would protect me. I then went to our guest bathroom and lo and behold this huge cricket was staring right at me--I screamed and fled. Apparently, it had died a tragic death before I saw it in person. I am just so glad that it wasn't alive when I found it and that I wasn't alone, or else I would have cried.

The moral of this story is beware of crickets. No matter what the media tells you. And they jump.