Connor's Adoption Story: Part 1~The Match

There were so many miracles in Connor's adoption story. We have decided to share them as a source of hope for others in similar situations. We also want to share our faith that we know it is because of Heavenly Father's gentle promptings and weavings, that we found Connor's birth parents--we are so grateful they chose us! It is because of Heavenly Father's tender mercies, he is in our arms today. The Lord's timing is perfect, even when it doesn't feel like it. 

We started the adoption process in the beginning of September and signed with an agency on September 23rd of 2016. We started full-throttle, trying to get everything done as quickly as possible. We kept meeting time delays no matter how fast we worked on our end (so much of the adoption process is "hurry up and wait..."--we had to get fingerprints re-done twice, we crossed into the holidays, which slowed down everyone we needed to hear from.) Assembling a profile, answering questionnaires and filling out mountains of records filled most of time.

We finally were approved on December 16, 2016, the same day we found out we were expecting but later miscarried. You can learn more about how that experience re-confirmed our decision to adopt by clicking here: thttp://browningvignettes.blogspot.com/2017/01/faith_23.html. After we were approved, it was time to celebrate Christmas with family. Once we got home, we announced to the social media world that we hoped to adopt. (Thank you for your love, support and endorsements. It means the entire world to us!)

Once we were approved, we were told numerous times that because we were a couple with no children, we would be placed with a baby quickly because statistically that is more likely. In my head, I really thought it would be fairly fast. But the more I learned about our agency, I learned that it was honest and ethical but had long wait times. We had already been waiting so long to grow our family so we did as much self-advertising as we could. Some days I felt so desperate. Our agency encouraged us to take brochures about unplanned pregnancies to clinics, etc. directing expectant mothers to their agency. I will never forget walking into clinics and sheepishly asking if doctors could take these brochures in case they came across any patients who were in an unplanned pregnancy and wanted to explore the option of adoption. It was a very humbling feeling for me--knowing that I couldn't be a mother on my own and would have to rely on someone going through a hard time. I participated in social media campaigns to spread the word and joined every adoption FB group I knew about that posted about expectant mothers seeking profiles for adoption. I had quit my job in September to focus on the adoption process full-time. It really was full-time for me. Every day I woke up reading everything I could about how to get our profile exposed, how people could learn about us through various social media platforms, etc. It was emotionally draining.

Along the way, we were contacted directly by two expectant mothers who had found us on social media who wanted to get to know us better but eventually both stopped contacting us. We also heard about possible situations we might be considered in. (You, dear friends, were so generous to get the word out and we cannot tell you how much that means to us! So many adoptions happen via word of mouth.)

By early March, not once had an expectant mother officially looked at our profile. I felt like Heavenly Father was giving me a sense of urgency I previously didn't have. I was drawn to a consulting group in GA with an outstanding reputation that places so fast (like a few weeks to a couple months)! The thought that we could be considered by expectant mothers multiple times a week and potentially have a baby in our arms sooner than later sounded so exciting and like such a relief to the roller coaster we were on. We went through their application process and were a day away from submitting our application to work with this Georgia adoption consulting group when on a private FB post on March 23 I saw a post about an expectant mother due in August with a Caucasian boy. At the bottom of the posting with all the details it said the adoption office was in Temecula, CA. Temecula is in my blood! It's where I grew up! It is where I lived for sixteen years. Something in my heart just thought--this is too coincidental. I have only seen five or six situations and for one of them to be in Temecula?! Not only that, this baby boy was due in August. August. The month I was due before my miscarriage. It felt like Heavenly Father was guiding us. The crazy thing is if we wouldn't have had our miscarriage, I don't know if we would have submitted our profile. August seemed so far away at the time. For those who know the adoption world, a five month match is LONG and kind of risky. The August seemed to pull to me. Ben and I both agreed to put in our profiles (our first real submission to an expectant mother seriously considering us).

After the exhilaration of learning all the "coincidences" we found out more to the story that made us nervous. After I submitted our profile, I heard some not good stories about the attorney that this expectant mother was working with. I started to hope we weren't chosen because the situation sounded like it could end up being more complicated than we were thinking. Also, adoption laws in CA were much different than UT laws, and that made me nervous. Very nervous.

On March 24th, we heard that the birth parents had narrowed their choices down between us and another couple. We were shocked and didn't know how to react because of the new information we had. The birth parents wanted to speak with us and then decide. That Monday, the 27th, we spoke with them (most nervous phone call of my life!). They wanted a couple to love and spend time with their baby boy, and knew they couldn't give him the life they wanted to at the time. After the phone call, I still had no idea who they would choose. I was also still riddled with worry about the attorney and CA adoption laws. I then had a good FB message chat with a fellow adoptive parent on a group who had used this attorney. She said that it wasn't a perfect experience, but that the baby was supposed to be in her family

 Then my sister was talking to her neighbor about how we were hoping to adopt and the neighbor said "We used him! He is reputable in the adoption world and was great for us!" The chances that her neighbor in Idaho went through the same CA attorney were uncanny. That reassurance calmed my soul. My sister put it best "You are not adopting the attorney. You are adopting the baby." Sometimes Heavenly Father uses rocky seas to get us to where we need to go. Through lots of prayer, we felt like we should continue on this journey!

The next day, we got the call...we had been officially chosen to be the parents of this baby boy! With the tender mercies we had, we went forward! Was this real life!? Were we really going to be parents!? It seemed too good to be true! We felt so honored to be chosen by the birth parents, and I started chatting with the birth mom right away to thank her. Our match journey had just begun!

Miracle 1. The miscarriage that had a due date that drew me to put in our profile for this situation.
Miracle 2. Timing. If the prep-work to get approved had gone faster, we would have signed with the GA consulting group and I would have never submitted our profile. Even though getting off the roller coaster of the adoption wait earlier would have had its perks, Heavenly Father knew what baby belonged to our family. It wasn't about having a baby as soon as possible; it was about having the baby that was supposed to be a part of our family.
Miracle 3. The fact that I saw the post on FB about the expectant mother before I heard the negative things about the attorney. That way, I submitted my profile before I got scared off. 
Miracle 4. Temecula, CA. Heavenly Father knows what he's doing. I will share the same stomping grounds as my son's birthplace. 
Miracle 5. The long match enabled me to focus on people that I wouldn't have been able to if I was actively searching every day.
Miracle 6. My sister's neighbor used the attorney--the missing piece that calmed our troubles about the situation. 
Miracle 7. The birth parents chose us!